Cloning Charley

  The Branson Area Council of Churches is "up in arms" this week resulting from the widely publicized, but unconfirmed,  story that a local man has successfully had himself cloned.  Although the man's full name has not been released, stories in the credible Tel Aviv Newspaper Haaretz,  have closely described a well know Ozarks businessman/ minister thought to be Charley Ingram.

     While there has been speculation for years that a highly cloaked Israeli Institute funded by Raelian Interests has been active in Human Cloning Experimentation, no explanation for this extremely improbable "first successful candidate announcement"was offered.

     In recent years advances have been made in "somatic cell nuclear transfer"SCNT technologies by respected Israeli Universities.  This baseline technology, it is thought,  may have been exponentially advanced as a result of the US led refining of gene editing via CRISPR (clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeat).  Indeed, an unnamed NIH source speculated that there have also been rumors that a Taiwan "Deep Space Science" group has created a bio-matter 3-D printer using CRISPR algorithms, thought to enable embryo/adult maturation in less than 22 weeks.  If indeed this futuristic technology know as HID-ER (Human Inflationary Development-Entanglement Regeneration) was successfully implemented......well perhaps there will be two Charley Ingrams bring prosperity and good tidings to our little resort town.  If so, Silver Dollar City will no longer be our major attraction.

    Clark Jans, a local reporter for the Branson Dependent, has been following this story.  She reports that Charley, who is coincidentally the Grand Master of this years Branson Christmas Adoration Parade, said that he knew nothing of these fantasy reports.  When asked if he had supplied "stem cell material" to any labratory source, Charley said "only a sample I recently sent to New Jersey to have my colon checked".  Charley mused that this reminded him of an old "preacher story" his granddad used to tell.

      Reactions from Charley's Business Partners were couched in humor, speculating that now Charley will have needed help in "Making Branson Great Again".  A spokesman for The Rose House, where Charlie volunteers as the Sunday Morning Worship Leader, said that they are hopeful that the story is true, allowing the ALF to perhaps have a full time minister "just like Charley".  However, the spokesman for the BACC was not so optimistic; siting both the eschataological implications as well as the practical issues concerning council voting rights and clone membership litigation.