Where Is "The Onion" When We Really Need Them?

     If The Onion can do funny stuff about the "Harvard Divinity School" publishing evidence that the "3 Wise Men molesting Baby Jesus", why can't they turn up the heat on Trump, as in......

     Following Trump's recent Executive Order expanding "The Espionage Act" by empowering the Secret Service to detain domestic persons deemed to have "publicly expressed unusual and offensive opinions regarding the administration's state of incumbency", both MSNBC and CNN are this morning  reporting that Don Lemon, John Brennan, and Bob Corker have been detained and are being held at The White House. While recent Trump demands requiring White House Staff "non-disclosure agreements" has constrained the particulars of this bizarre occurrence, it is believed that these persons are sequestered in a small West Wing Office, denied cell phone contact with their respective offices and families.  Neither of the News Outlets following this story know of any special relationships among the detainees, other than, of course, their common celebrity. 

     Twitter posts at #SS Detainees is at near frenzy level, with Congressional Leaders from both Parties weighing in on the situation.  Rand Paul (R-Ky) has offered "it serves them right, a couple of nights sleeping on the floor might help them learn to keep their mouth shut".  Adam Schiff (D-Cal) posted  that "this action violated the principle of due process and I plan to file complaint with the Attorney General", the Attorney General tweeted that, "although the detainment  suggested "banana republic" behavior, the action was indeed legal".  The President uncharacteristically tweet only that, "It was something that had to be done". Only Maxine Waters (D-Cal) took a forward focused approach, telling Wolfe Blitzer that "if that lying scoundrel don't turn my "baby Donnie" loose, I will be coming for his ass with the Crips, The Bloods, MS13 and every pissed off black man in America". 

     At today's scheduled White House Press Briefing Sara Sanders Huckabee told the overflow audience that, "you should just calm down, by Monday, I promise this will be old news".