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A Sore Foot and a Weak Mind

     For weeks I have endured a painful gout/arthritis inflamed foot.  After a steroid packet yielded reprieve/confirm/resume, I settled in to the minimum doses of indomethacin that allowed me to get vertical.  I am not attracted to alternative medicine/therapies, and although I have occasionally downed a blackcherry extract with unconfirmed benefit, I usually pass on the latest and greatest "web-remedy".  Yesterday, however, in a moment of naive curiosity, mixed with pain, I played patient for a co-worker who moonlights as a massage therapist/reflexologist.  Her siren song extolled the miracle of a "negative-ion foot bath".  With nominal death risk anxiety, I emersed both feet in a plastic container filled with bottled spring water water laced with Morton's Sea Salt, into which my "therapist" placed an electrode device connected by insulated wire to a blinking box accepting 110v electrical current. (Of course it was safe...she bought it on Amazon).

     Within minutes the clear water in the white container started to stain with streaks of brown/green/red, and a scummy foam began to form around the submerged devise.  Close inspection revealed that the weak coffee colored water held in suspension massive numbers of granules ranging from speck to pin head size. I did not shout out "Cured at last, Almighty Lord, I am Cured at Last", but, I did think that something had happened that I did not understand.  My therapist, now joined by a seasoned Registered Nurse and a much experienced Licensed Practical Nurse, who had been invited to "audit the session", explained that the water, now super saturated with "negative ions"  had, "through a complicated chemical reaction" bound to heavy metals, joint inflammation matter,  and excess minerals,  being drawn from my body by "magnetic force".  The residue,  excreted through the pores in my feet, would, I was assured, fix my damnable sore foot.

     It has been but a few hours since my "brown water miracle" and with pain still a foot, I have turned to Google Search to pass the time until, as any decent practioner will confirm, "the cure manifests".

     Fourteen minutes have now passed, and I now have a fairly comprehensive understanding of the "brown water non-miracle", compliments of wikipedia and a few derivative reference papers on the general subject of 'Ionic Bonding", a well known occurance within the complex of electromechanical force.  Without a lot of detail...ionic bonding is a kind of chemical bonding that arises from the mutual attraction of oppositely charged ions.  The most common type of ionic bonding is seen in compounds of metals and nonmetals.  When a highly electropositive metal is combined with a highly electronegative nonmetal, the extra electrons from the metal atoms are transferred to the electron-deficient nonmetal atoms. This reaction produces metal cations and nonmetal anions, which are attracted to each other to form a salt.  The metals of the electrodes l lose or gain mass, and react with the salt (or other electrolyte) in the water to form colored salts which may or may not be soluble.  Or put more simply.....after the unit is allowed to work for several minutes, the bath will fill with iron-chloride (with or without feet). It is from the electrolytic interaction between sodium chloride (salt) that was put into the water, and the iron in the electrodes. (This process can be easily repeated by dissolving a spoon full of salt in a glass of water. Connect the poles of a 9v battery to two large nails and place them in the water (they must not touch). First you will see gas bubbles, than after a while the water turns brown.) As for the gooey, frothy floating stuff.....the water containes oil and sweat from a participants skin, which will react with the Sodium Hydroxide (Lye, or NaOH) produced by the electrolytic reaction to form soap, which in combination with the chlorine and/or Hydrogen bubbles, will make a nice froth, which adds to the nastiness.  In summary.....salt water reacts to electrodes, and basically form iron/rust. Lab test on the water after a so called treatment come back as just iron/rust. No parasites, heavy metals, or toxins. 

    This is too fucking bad.  I was so hoping for a miracle..... but I will not dispair!  Having been a Business Major at a State University, I totally missed physics and organic chemistry and, so it would seem, a capacity for rational thought.  I will most likley bite on many more "miracles" in my days because Google's AdWords knows I'm a Mark!



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