Seasons Greetings from Branson! Want to buy a Timeshare?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009 at 10:06AM
An Unnamed Baldnobber

Most days, I drive by both the Grand Crown and Spinniker Sales Centers near the Thousand Oaks Complex. Judging from the overflow parking lots you would think that they might be giving away "Timeshare Vacation Property".  A closer look reveals that most of the vehicles are not SUV's from nearby states, but are clunkers driven by nominally employed young locals hoping to get $9 an hour sans manual labor.  These "telemarketers" gather daily and make 200+ obligatory phone calls reciting professionally scripted pitches touting free vacations to our magical little town.  Perhaps Charlie the math whiz on the TV show Numbers could calculate more accurately, but my rough multiplication suggests that during the last 15 years every home within 1000 miles of Branson has been called, about 4 times.   I have heard from more than one seasoned "telemarketer" that some prospects have "free toured" as many as 10 of the 30+ "resorts".  From the 100 million visitors during this period, a modest less than .3%, have opted to "tie the Branson knot". This is shorthand for "contractually obligating one's self and his/her progeny to annual prepay the cost of a Branson vacation until Jesus returns". This is shorthand for "what happens when one becomes the owner of a "timeshare unit" with open ended maintenance fees and in perpetuity deficiency judgment provisions.  Thank you to these 250,000+ altruists who signed up to forever fund our rich little Ozark town.   Merry Christmas!

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